The Dirty “C” Word

Okay, so you’re probably thinking, “what the hell is this girl’s deal?” First WAP and now the “C” word?! Provocative!

Don’t get your panties in a twist. (See what I did there?) Heee.
I’m talking about the word “coach.”

ICK.

Wait, why does the word “coach” gross me out? See below.

• Everyone and their brother claims to be a coach online. Many woke up one day and decided, “I AM A COACH!” These self-proclaimed coaches can coach you on everything from fitness, to spirituality, to childhood trauma, to finances, to business strategy- you name it. Why? Because they want to. Do they have special training to do so? Not necessarily.
  
  All I know is, if I were an actual coach, like for a football team (GO BILLS,) or someone who spent 8-10 years in higher education to become an actual psychologist, I would be a little peeved. Wait- YOU GUYS are the experts?! Oh. Sorry. I’ll stay in my lane, I guess.

• Coaching = a qualified person who coaches another person through a situation in order to improve that person’s performance at something. What makes someone qualified? Is there a guarantee the coaching will improve performance?

• In the online space, coaches are often portrayed as gurus; they are put on a pedestal as someone to be admired and respected.

Above all, I simply found the oversaturation of online coaches to be very, very silly. Before the year 2020- anyone calling themselves a coach earned a giant eye roll from me. Okay, guy. Sure you are. Keep on coaching there, bud. You do you. ;)

And now?

Well, now I would like to coach you to become your best and highest self to fulfill your life’s purpose!

DEAR GOD WHAT HAPPENED?!

Damn it. I drank the Kool-Aid. WHO SPIKED THE KOOL-AID?!

But I’m not a coach. I don’t have special training or certification- unless you count a teaching certification. If this ends up being a big part of my career, I’ll certainly go get some. I don’t want to be the guy who woke up one morning and decided to be a coach. I kind of did anyways, though.

For a while, I danced around the term (still do, honestly,) and went with the much more respectable-sounding “mentor.” But mentors don’t always get paid. And as a copywriter (lots of training there,) I know that in order to appropriately reach one’s audience, you must be clear and concise in your messaging.

So I’m a copywriter and coach now, says I.

Back to the why. Since maybe day 3 of running my own copywriting business, (day 1 and 2 were for day drinking,) I felt an immediate urge to shout about this lifestyle from the rooftops. Not just because of the day drinking, but because society has pounded this idea that we must go to college, get a corporate job, work 40+ hours a week away from our families, remain in a cubicle until 5pm, accept a mediocre salary, take one week of vacation a year, and if you’re a woman- ALSO do everything else.

I discovered quickly that was a load of shit, and I want to tell as many women as possible. I want them to know that on the other side, you can day drink AND do laundry. You can meet the coolest people from all over the planet and do meaningful work together. You can bring home $10,000+ … in ONE MONTH. These are things we were not conditioned to expect or even hope for.

I wanted to find a way to support other people looking to break free. But how?

Universe: Well- there is coaching…..

Lindsay: NO I AM NOT A COACH. I AM A COPYWRITER.

Universe: Coaching helps people, though, Lindsay.

Lindsay: Fine. I’ll be a mentor though. A mentor with a Masters degree. Zinnngg.

Universe: Okay, but no one will care or know what to make of that.

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. [ignore, ignore, ignore, ignore]

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Lindsay: Fine. I’m a coach.

And that’s how it happened.

Aside from guiding people gently out of working oneself to death, I have since found an interest in the deeper stuff. If you thought the idea of ME becoming a COACH couldn’t get more annoying, you were WRONG! I want to be a woo-woo coach! HA! The worst kind!

I don’t know why I’m being led down this path. Maybe it’s because I feel like a shadow of my pre-child, pre-pandemic self and am dying to find my way again. Maybe it’s because the world is so depressing that I am slowly becoming one with the galaxy where everything is one horoscope away from being okay. Whatever the reason, I’m kind of loving it. I’m trying not to judge myself for it, because ultimately it comes from an honest and humble place. I truly want to make an impact on how people feel in their lives, in their bodies, in their professions, day after day.

Hell, if the world is going to explode into one giant fireball within the next 5 years, I’d like to at least go out in the best mental and physical shape of my life, making a million dollars, having forgiven any person who’s ever wronged me, and having psychedelic experiences with my holistic medications and next-level meditations. And now, I can coach YOU to go out the same way!

When you see me out there in the streets, calling myself a coach, please don’t judge. Well- judge if you have to. I know I would. But after, please sign up for my program.